First date tips
Ideas, things to talk about and simple ways to make it a good evening.
A good first Christian date is short, public and honest. Meet somewhere easy, like a café after church or a walk in the park, be open about your faith, keep talk of marriage for later, ask before any physical contact and tell a friend where you are. Then relax: your date is probably as nervous as you.
When you have arranged your first date through Christian Love you might be feeling a little nervous, but don't worry. So how do you prepare, and make sure you get the most from your first date?
The person you have found might be the one for you, so it can be nerve-racking trying to work out the right things to say and how to act. Follow these tips and you give the evening every chance, and your match might even ask you on date number two.
The tips that still hold
Three habits that serve Christian singles well.
Be upfront about your Christian views: after all, this is a shared belief that has brought you together. Being open about what you believe helps you both see early on whether you are well matched. Be honest about who you are as well. It's an old rule, but don't stretch the truth about who you are and what you do, as it might come back to haunt you. As Proverbs 20:17 puts it, "Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel" (ESV).
As a Christian, marriage may well be at the front of your mind when you look for a partner. Even so, leave the marriage talk off the first date. It's a huge commitment, and while it may be on the horizon if the two of you are happy together, it can be off-putting to talk about something so serious so soon. Use the first date to find out more about each other. Be careful, too, about physical contact without asking first. You might feel comfortable holding hands or giving a kiss on the cheek when you say goodbye, but your date might not until you know each other better.
Turn to the Bible, your vicar, your priest or a trusted friend for a few words of advice or encouragement. Lots of people you know will have had first date nerves, so ask what got them through. And bring the evening to God before you go: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6, NIV).
A good first date gives you something to look at, room to talk and a natural end after an hour or two.
Meet after you have each been to your own church. It's daylight, it's relaxed, and you both have the morning's sermon to talk about.
Walking side by side is easier than staring across a table. Choose a busy route with a café at the end.
Plenty of big museums are free to visit, and the exhibits do half the talking for you. Pick one room each and explain why you chose it.
Plenty of cathedrals have a café, and a slow look round the building afterwards gives you plenty to share.
If you are still looking for someone to ask, try these suggestions for meeting Christian singles in the UK, or read about Christian dating in the USA and in Australia.
Faith is what brought you together, so it is a natural subject, not an awkward one. Ask questions that invite a story rather than a statement of doctrine:
Listen more than you speak. Different traditions call for gentle curiosity, not debate, on a first evening. Our guide to Christian dating rules covers the bigger questions couples work through later.
Christians differ on this as much as anyone. Some couples like the tradition of the man paying, others prefer that whoever suggested the date pays, and many simply split it. A simple rule is to offer, gracefully, and accept your date's answer without fuss. Choosing somewhere modest, like a coffee, keeps it easy either way.
Finish while it is still going well. Thank your date and say honestly if you would like to meet again. If you are not sure, say you will message tomorrow, and do. If there was no spark, a kind, clear message beats silence.
And one last tip from the original version of this page that still stands: don't forget their name. Remember that, and the rest should run smoothly.
Read more on our safety page, and learn the signs to watch out for online.
Something short, public and easy to talk through: coffee after church, a walk, a museum or a cathedral café. Keep it to an hour or two, so you both leave wanting more.
Christians answer this differently. Some save kissing for a committed relationship, others see a goodbye kiss as fine. Always ask first, respect the answer, and talk to your own church if you are unsure.
When you both feel ready, often after a couple of weeks of messages. Our step by step guide to how Christians find love online walks you from first message to first date.
