Take initiative
Suggest the plan, book the table, follow up when you said you would. Reliability is attractive and it builds trust.
Guides for Christian singles
Christian Dating Advice for Men: Ask With Courage
How to be intentional, ask someone out well and lead with kindness rather than control.
Dating as a Christian man, done well
The best Christian dating advice for men is simple: be intentional, be clear and be kind. Know that you are dating to find a wife, not to pass the time. Ask a woman out plainly, for something easy, and take her answer well. Lead by serving rather than steering, honour her boundaries, and let your faith show in how you treat her.
None of that needs a particular personality. Quiet men, shy men and men who have been out of the dating world for twenty years can all do it. Polish matters far less than being a man who means what he says.
Know what you are looking for
Before you message anyone, spend a little time with God and a notebook. What do you hope for: marriage, children, a partner in ministry, someone to share your later years with? What does your faith look like on a Tuesday, not just a Sunday? Clarity here saves both of you a lot of guesswork.
Being intentional does not mean proposing on the second date. It means you are not keeping someone hanging. If you are interested, say so. If you are not, say so kindly and soon. Ambiguity feels safer for the person who creates it and painful for the person who lives with it.
How to ask a girl on a date as a Christian
Most men overthink this. A good invitation is specific, light and easy to answer. Try something like: "I've really enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to get a coffee after church on Sunday, or one evening this week?"
- Name a plan. A time and a place is kinder than "we should hang out sometime".
- Keep it short and public. Coffee, a walk in a busy park, lunch. An hour is plenty.
- Make no a safe answer. If she declines, thank her and mean it. How you take a no says more about your character than anything on your profile.
If you met at church, think about the friendships around you both. Ask privately, not in front of the house group, and if she says no, carry on treating her as a sister in Christ. That is what makes it safe for her to have been asked.
First messages that get a reply
Online, the first message does the asking. Read her profile properly and respond to something she actually wrote: the church she mentioned, a book she loves, why she likes walking the coast. Ask one open question. Skip comments on her looks, and skip the copy-and-paste opener she has already had ten times.
Your own profile matters too. Be clear about the place faith has in your life and the relationship you hope to find. Our Christian dating profile tips show how to write one that sounds like you. A free ID check puts a verified badge on your profile, which helps a woman feel safe replying to a stranger.
Strength under control
Lead with kindness, never control
Many Christian men are told to lead. Jesus showed what that means when he washed his friends' feet.
Listen more than you talk
Ask about her family, her faith and her work, and remember the answers. Being known is a gift.
Respect her pace
Her boundaries are not a hurdle to get over. Ask what she is comfortable with, and keep to it without sulking.
Let your faith show in the small things
Women notice how you speak to the waiter, whether you are on time and whether you are the same man on the third date as on the first. Pray before you go. Be honest about your past if it comes up, without making the evening a confession. Talk about church, and listen to how she talks about hers: Anglican, Catholic, Pentecostal or independent, what you are looking for is a shared heart for God, not a matching hymn book.
Purity is part of this too. Agree your physical boundaries early and protect them for both of you. Our guide to Christian dating rules and boundaries sets out where Christians agree and where they differ, and tips for your first Christian date will help with nerves.
Finally, ask for help. A married friend or an older man at church can tell you things no article can, and will pray for you while you date.
Meet Christian women who are ready to be asked
Christian Love has been introducing Christian singles since 2007. Here, daily matches take your beliefs and values into account, so the conversation can start where it matters. Read more guides for Christian singles, or see how we keep members safe on our safety page.
Questions Christian men ask about dating
How should a Christian man ask a woman out?
Clearly, privately and with a simple plan: "Would you like to get a coffee on Saturday?" Make it easy for her to say no, and if she does, be gracious and keep treating her well.
What does it mean for a Christian man to lead in dating?
Taking initiative and responsibility while serving the other person: making plans, being reliable, being honest about your intentions and protecting the boundaries you agree. It never means controlling her decisions.
What should I write in a first message to a Christian woman?
Something that shows you read her profile, plus one open question. Mention her church, a hobby or something she wrote about her faith. Leave her looks out of it.
Is it all right to date more than one person at once as a Christian?
Christians differ. Many are happy to message a few people while getting to know them, then commit to one once dating becomes serious. Whatever you do, be honest about it and never mislead anyone.
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