Christian dating advice for women
Dating Doesn't Have to Be Hard for Christian Women
One woman's story, and the practical advice we wish every Christian woman heard.
How to date as a Christian woman, with confidence
Dating as a Christian woman gets easier when you know what you want, say early that your faith matters, set your boundaries before you need them, and refuse to settle for a man who doesn't share your values. Meeting men who already put God first takes away the hardest part, so you can relax and be yourself.
One of our writers knows exactly how hard it can feel. This is her story.
"I'm a Christian. Is that okay?"
So, I'm sitting in a cool bar and I meet an even cooler guy. He's sweet, charming, funny, clever and, for once, I haven't got many complaints about what he's decided to wear on a first date. So why am I holding back from seeming too keen? Why, when he touched my hand, did I pull back automatically? I pretty much flinched.
I'm a committed Christian and dating can be hard. I want to meet someone within the faith. Not just because my family will approve, but because it is so important to me to commit to someone who shares my Christian vision and values.
I've used ordinary dating sites and always tried to be upfront about my religion. But why should I have to? It makes me feel like I'm saying, "Hang on, I'm a Christian. Is that okay?" It is okay. I'm enormously proud of my faith and my love of Jesus Christ.
I've connected with men on dating sites before and talked music, film, sport, and I always felt I needed to bring up my faith. On a Christian dating site it is different. I'm free to be who I am, and to talk about what I believe if I want to, or use it to break the ice. Either way, I choose.
Of course, there are different traditions among Christians. But there can be a real understanding of and respect for each person's beliefs. My faith can come first if I want it to, or it can come later, after I've thought, "Nice eyes. Cute smile." I can relax, knowing shared faith won't be a stumbling block as we get to know each other.
It can be hard to find Mr Right in the local bar, or even at church. I dated a man from church once and it was good, but I wanted to get to know him away from the congregation, and it didn't work.
Dating other Christians has been a real boost to my confidence. You know from the outset that belief is key. For me it is everything, and yet I'm also free not to mention it at all. The quiet respect of like-minded Christians helps you relax, and when you're relaxed and can be yourself, you are far more attractive.
Back in the bar, I made my excuses and left that night. I was annoyed with myself for blowing it because I couldn't just be honest. But a month later I was out again, with a Christian man I'd got to know online, who had the most infectious laugh I'd ever heard. And when he touched my hand that night? Well, I'll let you imagine the rest.
Know what you want before he asks
Take an evening to write down what matters. What does a shared faith look like to you: the same church, the same tradition, or simply a man who prays and means it? Do you want marriage, children, a move or none of those? What would you never compromise on, and what is only a preference?
It keeps you steady when someone charming ticks the fun boxes and none of the important ones. Our profile tips show how to turn that list into a few warm lines.
Be upfront about your faith, and proud of it
Like the writer above, many Christian women feel they are apologising for their faith. You aren't. Say early that it matters, and what that means in practice. A man who shares it will be relieved. A man who doesn't is better found out now.
Christians differ on whether to date someone who doesn't share their faith. Some take 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul's warning against being unequally yoked, as a clear rule to date only believers; others read it more broadly. If you are unsure, pray about it and talk to someone you trust at church. Our article can I date and be true to my faith looks at the question gently.
Boundaries, red flags and never settling
- Decide your boundaries early. Physical, emotional and practical. Our guide to Christian dating rules sets out where Christians draw the lines and why.
- Guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to keep watch over the heart, because the whole of life flows out of it. Take your time before you give it away.
- Learn the red flags. Pressure, flattery that feels rehearsed, a man who only talks about himself, or anyone who asks you for money. Our guide to signs to watch out for covers them all.
- Meet safely. First dates in public, your own way home, and a friend who knows where you are. Our safety page explains the checks on Christian Love.
- Don't settle. Waiting for a man who loves God and treats you with respect is not fussy. It is wise.
Let your friends and church family in
The women who date well rarely do it alone. Tell a close friend when you start talking to someone new, let your small group pray for you, and listen if the people who love you notice something you haven't.
If you would like to read the other side of the story, our Christian dating advice for men shows what thoughtful Christian men are being told. For your first meeting, try our first Christian date tips, and find more in our guides for Christian singles.
Christian dating for women: your questions
Should I tell a man about my faith on the first date?
Yes, at least in outline. If faith shapes your life, he needs to know early. On a Christian dating site that conversation is far easier, because the site is made for people who share it.
Is it okay for a Christian woman to make the first move?
Christians hold different views on this, and many see no problem with a woman sending the first message. Ruth's approach to Boaz is often mentioned (see Ruth 3). Do what sits well with your conscience.
Should a Christian woman date a man who isn't a Christian?
Many Christians say no, citing 2 Corinthians 6:14; others leave more room. It is a decision to pray over and talk through with your own church.
Be yourself, faith and all
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